Social media has changed since I was a kid. I am a product of the generation where Myspace was the first big social media my friends and I were a part of. And to this day, it was easily my favorite. So I have seen the rise of all the different social media, and while I have actively engaged like many people, I have noticed the downside of social media. Due to this, I have begun limiting my own use of social media, but it can be a difficult task when you are running an online business. However, one of the biggest issues that I have noticed with social media is the constant comparison.
As a therapist who works primarily with college students, former and current athletes, and individuals navigating a major life transition, one thing has become crystal clear: comparison through social media is one of the most common sources of stress, self-doubt, and anxiety. And it can happen quietly, without us even realizing it’s affecting our mental health.
Let’s dive deeper into what this comparison looks like in the digital age and how to release ourselves from this trap and refocus on our own lives.
Recognize when Comparison is Sneaky
At times, we may not even realize that we are comparing ourselves. We are simply scrolling, tapping, or viewing someone’s story. But there are signs:
Your mood shifts downward
You feel less confident or capable
You start questioning your own decisions
You suddenly feel “behind” in life
This is the sneaky nature of comparison. It’s not always obvious. You might compare your appearance, your accomplishments, your friendships, your athletic performance, or even your social life to someone else’s curated version of theirs. Some people begin to doubt their appearance because of a string of edited images, college students may start to feel like they’re “behind” in their academic or career journey, and athletes might question their worth if they’re not posting as many achievements as their teammates.
The first step to coping is recognizing when comparison is showing up. Pay attention to the way you feel after scrolling. Are you less confident than when you started? Do you feel as if you are not doing enough?
Challenge the Illusion of Perfection
We often forget that people only post the “highlights” of their lives. People rarely post their struggles, insecurities, or the times they feel lost or motivated. We don’t see the full story behind a dream job that comes from burnout or the “perfect relationship” that is filled with abuse. The tearful nights an athlete has after making a mistake in a game. Social media can create an illusion that people are doing better than us, but the truth is, everyone is navigating their own challenges behind the scenes.
Curate a Healthier Digital Space
No one is saying for you to delete every app, unless that is something that you would like to do. But you can take back control of what YOU want to see. The content that you consume can directly impact your mental health. If your feed is filled with posts and people that make you feel inadequate, it might be time to detox. Unfollowing or muting accounts that may cause you anxiety isn’t childish or petty; it is you practicing self-care.
Here is a simple practice:
Every few months, allow yourself 15-20 minutes to go through your following list
Ask yourself, “How does this account make me feel?”
If the account doesn’t uplift, educate, or entertain you in a healthy way, it might be time to move on
Reconnect with Your Own Values and Pace
Comparison can lead people to lose focus on the things they actually want. It places attention on someone else’s timeline, goals, and life path. But your life is yours, and YOUR values are what truly define your success. Try to take the time to reflect on what you value. Once you are able to figure that out, it becomes easier to filter out the irrelevant things that you may see on social media. For example, if you value personal growth, seeing someone else getting public recognition may not feel so threatening.
You don’t need to have the perfect job or five-year plan figured out to be “worthy”. The truth is, there is no universal timeline for success. You are not behind. You are on your own path.
Build Self-Compassion, Not Perfection
When we become too deep in comparison, our inner voice becomes critical. We start to say horrible things about ourselves. This is where self-compassion comes in. This is the practice of treating yourself with the same kindness, patience, and understanding that you would offer to someone that you care about. Instead of saying, “They are so much better than I, try saying, “I am going at my own pace and doing the best that I can.”
One way to practice is by celebrating the small wins. You do not have to wait until a big thing, such as landing the job, graduating, or meeting a major goal, to acknowledge your progress. Celebrate the small things because without the small things, you won’t even make it to the bigger ones. Every step counts and deserves recognition.
Set Digital Boundaries
While social media can bring us so much entertainment, it is okay to also take breaks. Our brains were not designed to process the lives of hundreds of people all at once. It is simply exhausting! Considering turning off notifications, setting screen time limits, or even app limits. Also, consider scheduling specific times to engage on social media instead of randomly checking your phone throughout the day.
Take breaks to create space for you to reconnect with the present moment. This could be taking walks, exercising, or journaling. And often, when we step away from social media, we realize we don’t miss it as much as we thought we would.
This is something that I focused on last year. I decided to limit my social media use on my personal pages. As a business owner, I couldn’t completely rid myself of using social media. But I knew that I was over-consuming. At the beginning, I felt that I was missing out, but after a while, that thought faded, and I was able to fall back in love with old hobbies and also develop new ones.
Prioritize Real-Life Connection
Comparison can grow when isolated. When we are alone and only interacting with people online, it becomes easy for us to lose perspective. This is why real-life connections are so important. Texting friends, joining a club, or just hanging out with a coworker after work, spending time with people in a meaningful way helps remind us that everyone has ups and downs.
If you find yourself struggling with real-life connections, consider talking to a therapist, coach, or mentor. It is helpful to process these feelings in a safe space where you do not feel judged. It is important to have someone in your life who can help build or rebuild your confidence and clarity.
Final Thoughts: YOU are More than a Post
It is okay to enjoy social media. It is okay to celebrate others. It is okay to seek out entertainment. But you don’t have to let someone else’s posts determine your self-worth. Your life, your timeline, and your growth are valid, even if they look different from what you see online. You are more than posts, a number of likes, or someone else’s opinion.
You are not falling behind. You are building a life that is your own.